How to make yourself unhappy
How to make yourself unhappy
What is it that really makes us unhappy? And what if we were the ones doing everything to be unhappy and complicate things for ourselves? Can a human being be happy? What can online therapy do?
On this subject we cite the illuminating essay by Paul Watzlawick “Instructions for Making Oneself Unhappy’’. Already from the title, if we want, ironic but biting, we understand that we are faced with a change of perspective.
Various gurus often write about how to be happy to satisfy the demands of the human being and his craving for happiness. In this book, instead, a step is taken back—indeed in the opposite direction—and the instructions for being “unhappy’’ are drawn up.
Obviously, the wise reader will understand on their own that the content of this text will in truth be a precious little instruction booklet for reflecting on one’s life, and on the automatic mechanisms that instead remove joy, weakening us, and leaving us to drown in a tunnel of negativity, dissatisfaction and suffering.
Creating problems by oneself
What are these mechanisms of unhappiness? What are the traps of an unhappy human being? Let’s look at them one by one.
- Being faithful to oneself: in the first precept the author encourages us to reflect on how one can be happy in a mind that is closed and faithful to itself. One often disapproves of what happens around us, of other people’s behaviors, while remaining convinced of how right we are. “Hell is other people’’ as Sartre would say. Establishing that our point of view is the one and only way is the first way to be unhappy. To be happy and acquire a certain maturity instead simply means doing what is truly right, regardless of taking positions.
- Being faithful to the past: in the past there is no change, there is no evolution; it is, precisely, the past. Being faithful to an old image of our life becomes a source of insecurity, unhappiness and suffering. A further jab is aimed by the author at those who have ended a relationship. To be unhappy his instructions are two: isolate yourself while waiting for the ex-partner’s call or get back in the game by going out with a person who resembles them.
- Being faithful to one’s pride: being faithful to the past detaches us from the present. When we think it’s too late, perhaps remaining indignant over a wrong suffered, closed off, we don’t give ourselves the chance to heal. A recurring phrase is “too late, now I don’t want it anymore’’. We cling to a pre-established situation. Stubborn pride to remain faithful to what has been closes the doors to the present and to the healing of old wounds. In other words, a ticket toward unhappiness.
- Autosuggestion: another way not to live serenely is the power of thought. In our mind dangerous and negative images are created of what others think or might say about us. We often make enemies for ourselves, we believe we are poorly regarded and judged, we shout in front of someone whose evil role in our life has often been created only by our mind.
- Superstition: superstition, understood as belief, conviction, can lead us away from serenity. We think about situations that we do not verify and do not fully ascertain; we dodge problems without solving them, without testing whether that thing is really so, whether we were wrong and it is the result of our autosuggestion, or whether it can be solved, forcing us to persist in that problem. Being convinced of something and not having the courage to ascertain it or discuss it again is a way to live by inertia in unhappiness.
- “Having arrived’’: arrival is the same as death. Those who feel they have arrived no longer question themselves, they do not grow, they do not evolve. The goal is not the destination but the journey. Man fills himself with illusions: retirement age, the moment when he will do or say a certain thing, the moment when he will have a certain thing, only to stop and feel he has arrived. Instead, it is important always to have something to move toward in order to bring joy and brightness to life.
- “Try to be spontaneous’’: phrases such as “be spontaneous’’, “make yourself like your duty’’, “or suffering and doing nothing pleasant is part of life’’, are clichés often heard nowadays. How is it possible, for example, to ask a child to attend high school, and to be spontaneous in their choices, happy, when in reality they would like to attend another program? And they might attend it so as not to disappoint, so as not to make anyone angry. Let us be very careful of the traps of manipulation. One can be spontaneous only when one listens to one’s own heart.
What can online therapy do?
Through online therapy one can work in depth on the so-called “instructions for unhappiness’’, which in psychotherapy are called “limiting beliefs’’. In this way it will be possible to do work to untie those knots that create unhappiness in our life and to which we often remain bound unconsciously, self-sabotaging our happiness. Only by working on such aspects and on such limiting beliefs, in fact, will it be possible to open our eyes to how we are making life difficult, bitter, suffering for ourselves.
For information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, whatsapp contact 370 32 17 351
