Managing other people’s aggression
Managing other people’s aggression
How do aggressive people behave? What are the practical tips for managing other people’s aggression? What can online therapy do?
In everyday life we often find ourselves dealing with arrogant and aggressive people, sometimes intimidating or controlling, irascible. Whether in the private sphere or in the workplace, it is not uncommon to have to deal with this type of personality, sometimes even concealed behind manners that are, all in all, apparently calm.
It is necessary, however, in order to be able to maintain a healthy balance, to also practice intelligent communication with these individuals, so that the roles of aggressiveness – submission turn into cooperation – respect. Let’s look together at the practical tips for managing others’ aggression in various contexts in social, emotional, work, and family settings.
Practical tips for managing other people’s aggression
- count to ten: the old motto of counting to ten is an evergreen; keeping calm is essential when we find ourselves in front of people who instead aim to make us lose control, to bring it into a position of weakness. Moreover, the less we remain reactive to provocations, the more objective and clear-headed we will be to face the problem.
- be open to more possibilities: if you feel stuck in the face of difficult situations, keep yourself open to more possibilities. The objective point of view of an uninvolved person, such as a trusted friend or your psychotherapist, helps to overturn the situation and look at it from other perspectives as well. If the mind remains open, you do not remain blocked.
- proactive and understanding: instead of reacting tit for tat, let us try to be proactive ourselves first and to change our attitude toward the aggressive ones. Maybe we try to approach with a reflective outlook: “My boss is really arrogant and inflexible at this time. Perhaps after all it is not so simple to run a company’’; or “Maria was rude, maybe she just had a bad day and just wanted to go home,’’ etc. Let’s give a new, more understanding point of view.
- keep well in mind our rights: to be treated with respect is a right, to express one’s feelings is a right, to choose one’s priorities and one’s well-being is a right, to say no without having to feel guilty is a right, to have different opinions is a right.
- ask questions rather than make statements: with aggressive people the risk is that they want to make you feel inept and incapable. And so a “You were wrong! Your idea was awful’’ might have as our response: “Are you sure you have considered it fully?’’; or “So how would you like to solve this problem?’’ Let us always try to bounce the other back with another question and not accept the provocation. If we really don’t feel like arguing, we can also interact with a “Anyway, speaking of…’’ and sharply change the subject.
- humor: humor is always a winning weapon to show superiority against aggressive behaviors, and to shed light on the issue by breaking in with a joke to lighten the matter.
- formal tones: try to distance yourself and keep formal tones during conversations with bullies, using “Lei’’ (formal “you’’), or better yet “speaking impersonally,’’ is a way to create relational distance between us and the interlocutor, compared to a “tu’’ (informal “you’’). For example: “Your actions are confusing and unsuitable for the project!’’ into “It is good to act clearly and appropriately in this project.’’
- make the other reflect on their negativity: sometimes it is also good to set limits and make the other aware of what their negative behaviors are and what will happen if they do not try to improve them. Let us therefore give clear and precise limits and consequences.
- meditate: finally, dealing with difficult people is perhaps one of the most complex things; in this, meditation helps to center oneself and not be overwhelmed by anger but to observe it. In this regard Buddha said: “If someone disparages or insults you, train your spirit in this way: remain unperturbed and do not repay him with the same coin. Free yourself from resentment and interpret his hostility as a stimulus to understand him. Be gentle and generous, treat your enemy as a friend. Invest what surrounds you with thoughts of loving-kindness, let your mind be free, without boundaries and devoid of hatred. Try to maintain this attitude.’’
- What can online therapy do?
Online therapy can help you better manage other people’s aggression by trying to understand what reactions it arouses in us. Often it is not so much how others treat us but how we react to external provocations. Sometimes we react badly to provocation precisely because inside we have a principle of repressed anger, not analyzed, for which online therapy helps to shed light also on negative feelings that had not been taken into consideration before; perhaps in the past we had not been given the opportunity to do so, and instead even a small provocation can bring out all these negative feelings, pushing us to highlight what we need to work on in order to restore peace and harmony in our lives and with ourselves.
For more information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, whatsapp contact 370 32 17 351.
