Polyamory: characteristics and challenges
Polyamory: characteristics and challenges
What is meant by a polyamorous relationship? When can we speak of “polyfidelity”? What can online therapy do?
When we talk about polyamory we refer to a type of relationship in which love is not reserved solely for a couple, but is shared equally or, as we will see later, through specific hierarchies, a romantic relationship among several people.
Polyamory differs from the concept of an open couple, as the latter involves two people who accept the fact of having relationships outside the couple with other people, more or less secretly; polyamory, on the other hand, is a more structured framework that unites several people through strong bonds, mutual commitment, romantic feelings, and equal sharing.
Polygamy, in fact, is also recognized in several states that acknowledge marriage and thus a committed union among several people, sanctioned by law.
The term polyamorous was used in the early 1990s, referring to revolutionary people who thought outside the box. Also from those years dates one of the first manuals on polyamory, The Ethical Slut written by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy, translated into Italian only in 2014.
It should be clarified that a polyamorous relationship does not in fact only involve the sexual part or free sex; as we will see later there is indeed a lot of emotionality, and it is important to cultivate it and learn to manage it in the best possible way, with respect and openness.
A polyamorous person is first and foremost a sincere person. They explain their needs and vision to their partner, and make things clear right away, also helping the other person to understand this vision in a non-judgmental but above all free way, so that the other can choose whether or not to be part of this broader way of living the relationship.
This way of building a relationship must necessarily be based on consent and trust first, as well as respect, transparency, mutual commitment and, of course, sharing of one’s life, but also of the most inner aspects of oneself—thoughts, needs, feelings; equally and even more so than in a monogamous relationship, precisely because the parties involved here are greater in number.
Another characteristic of polyamory is also its inclusiveness, which is not necessarily heterosexual, but rather the construction of the relationship may include both people of the opposite sex and of the same sex, without rigid distinctions between gender and sexual orientation.
Many people associate the term polyamorous with infidelity or libertinism. Nothing could be more wrong. Being polyamorous does not mean cheating. Cheating is in fact a behavior that has nothing to do with a polyamorous relationship which, as we have seen above, is based on sincerity, transparency and mutual commitment. A new term fits into this dynamic, which is precisely “polyfidelity.” Like the stable monogamous model, if the partners so desire, romantic or sexual relationships will take place among the members of the relationship with the same respect and trust. Obviously, every relationship can decide its own rules; certainly communication and transparency must always be the most important ingredients for a functioning relationship.
Types of polyamorous relationships
- Triad: three people create an equal three-way relationship, no one is subordinate to the other but there is perfect balance among the parties;
- T-shaped relationship: a primary bond, consisting of a couple, is joined by a secondary but equally important relationship with a third person;
- V-shaped relationship: two people (who have no emotional involvement with each other) but are both linked to the same third person;
- Solo poly: here there is only a single individual who puts themselves at the center and, based on this, decides how to manage their relationships more or less superficially, more or less in depth.
Challenges
Sharing one’s love with other people, extending it and remaining inclusive, is not always as easy a challenge as most people approaching polyamory might think.
Jealousy and time management, for example, are often sources of inner distress and possible arguments within the polyamorous relationship. Establishing healthy boundaries, continuing to live one’s own individuality and passions, not falling prey to fatigue or further complications is certainly a demanding challenge.
This is precisely why it is necessary to constantly test oneself, speak openly, be able to understand and communicate one’s needs in a healthy way to others, as in any other relationship, and be ready and willing to always find meeting points to improve one’s relationship day by day.
What can online therapy do?
Online therapy can help coordinate and better manage a polyamorous relationship, improving assertiveness and communication among partners, as well as learning to properly manage jealousy, but also one’s time, learning not to be consumed exclusively by the needs and demands of others, thus creating a healthy balance between oneself and others, precisely in a perspective of relational freedom.
For information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, whatsapp contact 370 32 17 351
