Family Therapy: When to Seek It
Family Therapy: When to Seek It
What Is Family Therapy? When to Seek It—and Why You Shouldn’t Delay Getting Help for Family Problems
Family therapy is a form of psychotherapy designed to address the complex relational dynamics that cause distress to all members of a family system—especially when communication has broken down and roles have become rigid, intensifying conflict and tension. The goal of family therapy is to resolve family distress, although the reason it is often sought is the psychological discomfort expressed through the symptoms of one of the children.
In reality, the child carrying the symptoms often takes on the burden of showing the other members that the pain he or she feels is also being experienced differently by the rest of the family. It is inevitable that when one person suffers—whether behaviorally, psychologically, or psychosomatically, particularly if that person is a child or adolescent—the entire family will be affected. A family is bound by emotional ties; its members are deeply connected both in moments of joy and in times of suffering.
The Role of the Family Therapist
Family therapy does not focus on pathologizing the individual but instead examines the role that symptoms play within the family system. A child’s symptom often has the “advantage” of keeping things as they are, since change is difficult and requires experimenting with new ways of relating and taking individual responsibility for improving the situation.
The family therapist’s task is to guide the family toward mutual listening, recognition of dysfunctional dynamics, and the development of a new family structure that frees its members from rigid roles and communication blocks, restoring both family and individual well-being. When distress is acknowledged and given meaning in which the whole family can recognize itself, change is no longer seen as a threat to family structure but as an opportunity for members to experiment with more flexible roles in their relationships.
Life Cycles and Family Crisis
A family is a complex system built on hierarchies, roles, and emotional bonds. It has always held a central place in society, as it is the institution where new human beings are born and raised to grow toward autonomy.
Families provide the foundation for identity through myths, traditions, principles, and values, and they also evolve when members take different stances shaped by life experiences and contact with the outside world.
The family system is constantly challenged by internal stimuli—life cycles that regulate its evolution—as well as external pressures that transform it, forcing a continual reorganization of roles and rules.
Problems arise when the family struggles to move smoothly from one life cycle to the next. Rules and roles that were functional in the previous stage may become problematic in the new one. For example, during the life cycle of raising children, it is functional to care for a young child, worrying about nutrition, education, and schooling. However, applying the same caregiving patterns during the stage of children’s emancipation becomes dysfunctional, as the system struggles to adapt to a phase in which children must detach and move toward independence.
The Onset of Psychological Symptoms in Children
This difficulty in transitioning from one life stage to another can trigger psychological disorders, particularly in children. The distress of one member inevitably impacts the entire system, influencing relational dynamics across the family.
As tensions escalate, conflicts intensify. The family, feeling threatened, may try various solutions to resolve the crisis, but often these prove ineffective and only maintain the status quo, leaving the group stuck. This is why it is crucial not to delay seeking help from a family therapist.
When Is Family Therapy Helpful?
There are many reasons to seek family therapy. As explained, families face critical events throughout their evolution that may disrupt internal balance. The distress caused by this imbalance forces members to reorganize, but not all crises can be resolved without external support.
Critical events that may destabilize the family system include:
- Conflict within the couple
- The arrival of a new child
- Separation or divorce
- Illness
- Adolescence of children
- Work or financial changes
- Retirement
- Traumatic experiences (bereavement, accidents, violence, losses)
When such events demand a new reorganization and the family cannot find a functional equilibrium on its own, it is important to seek help. The therapist will initially meet with the entire family (parents and children, even in cases of separation or divorce). Later, some sessions may involve only certain members—for example, just the parents, or just the siblings.
How Does Family Therapy Work?
During the initial sessions, each member’s perception of the problem is heard, much like a “working team.” Together, the family and therapist set therapeutic goals aimed at changing dysfunctional relational and communication patterns.
The purpose of family therapy is to improve communication, reducing conflict and breaking down communication barriers, so that it can once again flow flexibly among family members. The ultimate aim is to recreate an atmosphere of serenity and collaboration, where the family can work together toward common goals.
Family therapy is most effective when all members of the system actively participate, engaging as protagonists of a family story that, due to certain precipitating events, has lost its natural capacity for self-healing. The therapist, too, takes an active role, supporting the family in regaining its natural ability to evolve.
