Love from a spiritual perspective
Love from a spiritual perspective
What are the foundations of true love? What are the four immeasurable mental states of love? Spirituality as a way to learn how to love
According to Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, love—not only romantic love but also love in its broader sense (toward oneself, others, and all living beings)—has the power to profoundly transform our lives and improve every aspect of them, bringing joy, awareness, and growth.
A Buddhist story
In the time of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha), Hindu priests called brahmins often preached about their desire to reunite, after death, with the great universal god Brahma. One day, one of these priests asked the Buddha:
“What can I do, in my power, so that after death I may be reunited with Brahma?”
The Buddha replied: “Brahma is a source of love. To be able to reunite with the supreme source of love and dwell with him, you must observe and practice the brahmavihara—the four immeasurable states of the mind.”
The four immeasurable mental states of love
Love (Maithri)
In Buddhism, love is the intention and ability to bring joy to another, to listen, to empathize, and to understand their needs. A true and conscious relationship is impossible without really knowing the loved one, their aspirations, fears, and pains. Many people think they give a lot, but often it is only an illusion. For example, a partner who suffocates or hinders the other’s need to socialize, travel, or find personal time is not acting for the loved one’s sake but for themselves. True love lies in the ability to give the other what they truly need.
Compassion (Karuna)
Compassion is the second essential element of love. A compassionate person actively listens, cares about the other’s problems, and shares their suffering. Compassion creates a way out of pain. A compassionate word or gesture can generate trust, hope, change a life, and soothe suffering.
Joy (Mudita)
In Buddhism, joy concerns the mind, while happiness includes both body and mind. The Buddha illustrated this with an example: if you are in a desert place, joy is what you feel when you see water; happiness is what you feel when you drink it. Joy brings peace and serenity in the present moment, beauty and gratitude for what surrounds us, and it is crucial to cultivate this feeling in our thoughts and actions.
Equanimity (Upeksha)
Equanimity means non-attachment to labels or prejudice. It is serene impartiality. The term upeksha translates to “be like a mountain”: strong and impartial, able to see all circumstances from above, without discrimination. There is no “me” and “the other” in equanimity. We are all human beings, each called to play their role in the world, for better or worse.
The foundations of true love
These are the foundations of true love: four elements that anyone can begin to practice daily to learn the path of genuine, sincere love. Love has countless benefits: it creates a better reality for all, brings joy, kindness, awareness, and helps overcome obstacles. It is the key to radiating light, relieving suffering, and counteracting human misery caused by ego and attachment.
The Buddha said: “The person who suffers the most in the world is the one who has many wrong perceptions, and most of our perceptions are mistaken.” We must learn to identify the perceptions that cause suffering and work on them to bring joy and peace into our lives.
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