“Osho – With You, Without You”: emperor of love or beggar of love?
“Osho – With You, Without You”: emperor of love or beggar of love?
Beggar or emperor of love: why is it important to know the difference? How can we move from need-based love to shared love? How can online therapy help those who want to love without depending on their partner?
With You and Without You is a well-known work by the spiritual teacher Osho, which sets out a cornerstone of his thought: the ability to find love within oneself, to live a fruitful solitude, to be loving regardless of being in a relationship, and to keep clearly in mind the crucial difference between a beggar of love and an emperor of love.
According to the teacher, only after we have come into tune with ourselves, truly know ourselves, and are self-sufficient can we relate properly to another—because that relationship will be a free choice that enhances a completeness we already possess, rather than being unconsciously driven by fear or need.
Thus Osho offers reflections and insights, among which meditation stands out—understood as a means of knowing oneself, a way to delve deeply within to grow and gain right intuitions about key themes like love, jealousy, and attachment, and not as an expedient for withdrawing from the world and numbing emotions.
Knowing oneself is the first step toward freedom and toward living—both in solitude and in relationship—filled with love.
When we cultivate our spirituality and have a full life (hobbies, interests, passions, callings), solitude is not lack but love for ourselves. It is a full absence. Only deep self-knowledge and inner fullness—through spiritual rather than material growth—allow us to feel complete rather than empty. Emptiness leads us to latch onto people or situations in a futile attempt to fill it. Only we can fill that cup. And only when that cup—made of sincere self-love and serenity—is so full that it overflows will we understand that we are ready to love, ready to share with others the fullness we carry in our hearts.
The difference between a beggar of love and an emperor of love
Osho draws an interesting distinction between a beggar of love and an emperor of love. The beggar, as the word suggests, “begs”—he needs something he lacks in order to survive. He will therefore accept compromises that clash with his values, draining and imprisoning situations, just to receive that false “nourishment.” In doing so, he deprives himself of the chance to fully live his life and truly know himself—and thus to learn how to fill his emptiness for real—remaining a supplicant for what he cannot give himself. It is a kind of inner suicide that leads to dependence on someone or something and to living in constant fear of losing it and finding oneself alone and lost again.
The emperor, by contrast, does not seek love; he is the first to give it. Many give love for an unconscious payoff and end up attaching themselves to someone who in turn needs love. The illusion of having found an emperor of love evaporates as soon as friction begins, and we find ourselves facing one or more beggars. The truth is that we can give love only when we are truly full and overflowing with it. Then we feel the need to share this state of grace with everyone: with a partner, with family, with a stranger, with other living beings (nature, animals), even with objects, handling them lovingly. Love is not limiting; it is a state of inner peace that brings peace to the outer world. We give and treat others with love because we feel compelled to do so. It is like meditation—it is a mental and spiritual state, not just a romantic relationship. It goes beyond. It is a quality that belongs to us and keeps flowing, no matter where you are or with whom. Those who manage to live in Love, through long and steady spiritual and introspective work, discover an incomparable sense of peace, fullness, and serenity—and will never again be beggars.
How online therapy can help
Online therapy can help you understand the differences between a beggar of love and an emperor of love, see where you are on your path of growth, learn how to be enough for yourself, and how to fill your own emptiness and needs in a healthy way—without falling into dependencies, emotional blackmail, or toxic relationships—by first learning to love and respect yourself.
For information, contact Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email: consulenza@jessicazecchini.it — WhatsApp: +39 370 32 17 351
