Online Group Therapy for Love Addiction: Healing the “Disease of Love” Through Group Support
Online Group Therapy for Love Addiction: Healing the “Disease of Love” Through Group Support
What Is Love Addiction? What Are the Symptoms of Love Addiction, and Its Cognitive, Emotional, and Behavioral Aspects? What Is the Importance of Group Psychotherapy in Healing from Love Addiction? Characteristics and Goals of My Project, on the Zoom Platform
When we think of love, we think of a feeling of rebirth on an existential level, one that opens new perspectives in life both personally and together with another person. In love, the whole self is involved at such a deep level that some of my patients describe this sensation as a “liberation” from the old learned patterns that had rigidly guided their lives up to that moment. We are all drawn to love because we are aware of the transformative energy it brings to our lives, but at the same time we fear it because we are afraid of the change and the effort that transformation requires.
Conversely, when a love relationship becomes an obsession and all efforts are invested in controlling the partner or maintaining the relationship, we are facing love addiction. In these cases, love makes you sick, dragging you into a “black hole” from which getting out becomes the challenge of a lifetime.
There are impossible relationships that are not fulfilling because they are unrequited loves or involve inadequate partners, sometimes narcissists. By inadequate partners I mean emotionally unavailable or unaffectionate people who struggle to love, and who, despite this, become for those suffering from love addiction possible unions based on the idea “I will change you so that you match my ideal.” At the foundation of the relationship there is no acceptance of the other and of reality as it is, but a thought built on the constant illusion of realizing a couple project in which the partner will eventually become loving and available. In this way, all efforts are centered on giving more and more love to the partner even in the face of rejection, humiliation, psychological violence, physical violence, mistreatment, in the hope that one day he will understand and begin to reciprocate love. Instead, all this only reinforces love addiction and, over time, worsens impulsivity, mood instability, depression, anxiety, panic, with the appearance of serious clinical symptoms that are the full manifestation of a serious illness.
This is why I thought of the importance of creating a project consisting of an online group for psychotherapy on love addiction, on the Zoom platform, with the aim of bringing together people from all over Italy to heal the “disease of love” through the support of the group. In the last section, I will explain in detail the goals of my project.
How the “Disease of Love” Works: Symptoms of Love Addiction
When referring to love addiction, patients almost always report in therapy having lived in an asymmetrical relationship where the balance between giving and receiving was lost. The lack of reciprocity in the relationship leads to impulsivity, expressed in hasty and ineffective actions driven by an inner need to restore the relationship with the partner, and mood instability tied to peaks of anxiety, which diminishes the capacity for discernment. However, there are also depressive episodes when the relationship becomes abusive.
The sense of loneliness that afflicts someone with love addiction is so deep and lacerating that chasing after the partner becomes a way of escaping from that existential void. The pursuit becomes a kind of ritual to ward off the fear of being alone. In this downward spiral, other areas of life, such as work and social connections, also deteriorate. Love addiction eventually becomes a disease that reveals the inability to love oneself. Everything is directed toward the other: obsessive love thoughts, fear of loneliness, even at work all conversations revolve around the partner to ease anxiety, but in reality, judgments and opinions only reinforce mood instability. Eating disorders, sleep disturbances, confusion alternating with moments of clarity, and panic attacks are frequent.
The person with love addiction becomes a shadow of themselves, and their life suffers a slow decline as all their attempts are focused on maintaining or recovering the relationship, even after a separation.
Love addiction affects both men and women, though it is more prevalent among women. It can affect not only individuals with past depressive or neurotic disorders but also people who have never had psychological issues. It appears to be related to a specific type of interaction in which, even without a family history of abandonment or co-dependence (such as children of alcoholic or substance-dependent parents), relational asymmetry and the power taken by the partner over the individual in love addiction lead to despair and strong impulsivity.
Love addiction alters thought, emotional, and behavioral areas, configuring itself as a clinical syndrome that, to understand in all its complexity, must be analyzed in detail in its aspects.
Cognitive Aspects
Changes in thought may include:
- Obsessive thinking focused on the love object
- Idealization of the partner
- Obsession with what the partner does and how they behave in the relationship
- Withdrawal from social relationships with people who criticize the relationship
- Sense of threat tied to a disturbing relational experience
Emotional Aspects
Changes in the emotional area are linked to evident mood instability:
- Depressed mood alternating with moments of euphoria
- Anxiety and constant hypervigilance, sense of threat or danger
- Projection of one’s own feelings onto the partner
- Lack of emotional control with marked outbursts of anger or rage
- Social withdrawal due to a relational investment that becomes totalizing
- Excessive worry about what the partner or love object feels
- Feelings of emptiness caused by the dysfunctional relationship
- Feelings of loneliness and abandonment affecting other meaningful relationships
Behavioral Aspects
On a behavioral level, compulsive behaviors emerge:
- Continuous and uncontrollable sending of texts, chats, emails, and phone calls
- Inability to set boundaries, becoming overly compliant to gain attention
- Indecisiveness
- Giving up personal commitments just to see the partner
- Controlling behaviors toward the partner that may escalate into stalking or following them
- Life put “on hold,” living in a perpetual state of waiting for the partner
It is also important to mention the frequent physical deterioration in active love addiction, expressed through eating disorders, anxiety and/or panic attacks, sleep disturbances, gastrointestinal problems (ulcers, gastritis, chronic stomach issues, diarrhea), and substance use (alcohol, drugs).
The Importance of Group Psychotherapy in Healing from Love Addiction: Description of My Project
The first step to overcoming love addiction is asking for help. Turning to a therapist can make a difference when compulsive behaviors and physical problems are draining the person. Alongside individual psychotherapy, it is essential, in order to heal from love addiction, to participate in group psychotherapy, which supports sharing experiences and receiving encouragement.
My project is to welcome people from all over Italy who suffer from love addiction, creating an Online Psychotherapy Group on the Zoom platform, guiding them through a ten-session program to help them share painful relationship experiences and accept what happened. Personal acceptance is a fundamental step, made possible by hearing the stories of other group members and realizing that the functioning of love addiction is common to all. Meanwhile, social withdrawal and feelings of abandonment toward meaningful relationships often lead to shame and feeling misunderstood. This lack of understanding fuels compulsive behaviors expressed in excessive demands for attention or control that suffocate the partner. In the group, telling one’s story helps to learn acceptance, even of what once seemed unacceptable, thanks to others’ testimonies.
The goal is to refocus on one’s own needs and self, avoiding further investment in a dysfunctional relationship. In the group, listening to others’ successes as well as their mistakes, and the ability to take joy in understanding individual fragilities, all take place in a warm and supportive environment where one can smile and embrace that essential human side needed for healing.
Being able to live again after falling into love addiction means regaining the sense of belonging that was lost during the active phase of the addiction. The world, once seen as hostile, takes on a friendly connotation within the group. Empathy, sharing, privacy, and spirituality become a balm that heals the wounds of the soul. The sense of safety experienced in the group restores hope and well-being to face life with a new awareness, beginning with forgiveness toward oneself and others.
