The 5 stages of a breakup: practical advice
The 5 stages of a breakup: practical advice
What are the five stages of a romantic breakup? How can you get over a breakup with practical advice? What can online therapy do?
When a relationship ends, the lessons, the aftereffects, the changes, make this phase of life important, meaningful, and delicate. Some come out of it with a sense of liberation, others with a sense of bewilderment and fear. What we can say is that when a relationship ends, every breakup brings with it the arrival of five stages. Let’s see together what they are and how to manage the separation phase in such a way as to be able to resume our path with greater serenity and new awareness.
The 5 stages after a romantic breakup
Several studies have shown how the end of a romantic relationship, especially a long-term one, is comparable to a bereavement. The other person in a sense “dies’’, is no longer part of our life; what was familiar is torn more or less violently from our routine. One wakes up as from a dream and has to roll up one’s sleeves to deal with reality, integrating what has been in the most conscious way possible.
Let’s look in more detail at the 5 stages of a romantic breakup:
DENIAL: when a relationship reaches the end of the line, the first thing one tends to do is believe that what is happening is not real, or at least not entirely. The word “end’’ is not integrated. The partners, or one of them, think that there is a continuation of the relationship, that things will work out or that the other will return to loving us. It will in fact take time to fully realize the change that a breakup brings with it. Stage one of denial is indeed based on the “rejection’’ of what has happened;
BARGAINING: stage two sees the attempt to get the other back; it is the stage of bargaining or negotiation. In this stage it is “hope’’ that sets the rules; the mind relives the past and deludes itself about the other’s return. Although such hope then clashes bitterly against the wall of reality, stage two is still important in that one comes out of total denial of the loss;
ANGER: stage three is that of anger. After attempts at rapprochement, plans, discussions, possibilities of confrontation, in the end one finds oneself faced with the same doubts, the same mechanisms or annoying behaviors, awkward excuses, stock phrases. Hope gives way to the frustration of no longer being able to mend the relationship with the other. It is anger that dominates in this stage. An anger that was probably harbored for some time but now comes out in all its force toward the partner, toward third parties, or even toward oneself for not having done or said something. One takes note that the breakup is no longer a momentary circumstance, and hope therefore gives way to anger;
DEPRESSION: the fourth stage leads us to fully come to terms with the loss and with what has happened. Reality brings about fluctuating feelings, often referable to depressive states, accompanied by the sensation of not being able to escape these heavy states of negativity. Sometimes the fourth stage lasts at most a couple of weeks; however, if it extends to a month in a potentially depressive state with the emergence of symptoms and warning signs that follow, it is good to talk to someone and turn to a professional for support, to process things as best as possible and not remain alone;
ACCEPTANCE: the fifth and final stage is that of acceptance. It can occur over a longer or shorter period of time. It is the overall assessment we make of what we have experienced, the feelings, sensations, thoughts, insights, new awarenesses felt after the end of the relationship and especially during our personal healing period.
Practical tips for getting over a breakup
Time: it may seem obvious, but taking time to process, to listen to ourselves, to let all our feelings emerge—good or bad—is essential to managing to get over a breakup;
Surround yourself with people who love you: friends, family, acquaintances—support after a breakup is very important to face it in the best way;
Write: keeping a journal or putting your thoughts and feelings on paper helps to process them better, to bring out everything we feel and experience;
don’t be in a hurry to make choices: it is common to feel obliged to rush, to have to make choices or decisions that will then prove counterproductive for our healing; so once again, give time to time; instead seek calm, introspection, a concrete and measured approach;
Prefer no contact: think twice before contacting our exes again, with an excuse or with the intention of writing messages full of feeling; what we need to do is make the breakup easier and encourage the process, letting go rather than hindering it;
“What would have happened if only’’: do not imagine yourself with your ex anymore; whether the story would have continued or not is no concern of ours; what is real is only the present and this is what we must adhere to and trust blindly, starting to live it without making the mistake of remaining stuck in the past or in the projection of a non-existent future;
Devote more time to yourself: hobbies, paths of self-awareness, meditation, art, travel, books—anything that can fuel our healing and introspection process is welcome; this is the time to take time for yourself, to listen to yourself, pamper yourself and begin to have more trust and respect towards yourself.
What can online therapy do?
Online therapy helps to overcome the breakup, to work on the meanings of the relationship, on the learned meanings, as well as on the mistakes that were made so as not to replicate in other relationships what has been. In addition, online therapy can help us find and reorganize our life in a fulfilling way, on a new vision and a new way of seeing life, based also on living an existence in a more introspective and spiritual way; as well as on hobbies or activities that were abandoned, working more on the authentic desires of the soul.
For information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it
