The wound of injustice: “the perfectionist”
The wound of injustice: “the perfectionist”
How does someone with the wound of injustice behave? What is the origin? How to heal? What can online therapy do?
Those who have the wound of injustice behave like a “perfectionist” in their life. The sense of duty weighs on them to the point of rejecting anything that might give them pleasure; indeed, when pleasure presents itself, they experience guilt, thinking they do not deserve it.
The sense of redemption is obtained by devoutly dedicating oneself to tasks; duty that turns into perfectionism helps to soothe states of anxiety by increasing the dispassionate need for control.
Order and precision are an integral part of these people’s lives, to the point that they carry them forward with obstinacy and stubbornness. Their bearing is rigid and proud, showing a composure that almost takes the breath away from those who interact with them.
They are people who are often perceived by others as repellent and defensive toward anyone who tries to enter their space. They may be envious when comparing themselves to others, often cut ties, and have great difficulty receiving, which makes it very hard for them to ask for help when they have personal problems.
Let’s look together at the characteristics shared by those who have the wound of injustice.
How to recognize the wound of injustice: characteristics
Excessive sense of duty
Those who have the wound of injustice show reluctance toward pleasure in order to follow only the sense of duty. Generally, they work a lot, perform all assigned tasks perfectly, but emotions are compressed to avoid listening to their own needs. The sense of satisfaction and the hope for a peaceful life are only mental, but deep down they do not feel worthy of anything beautiful.
Order and perfectionism
Individuals whose wound is injustice are perfectionists in all aspects of their lives. They often follow a methodical, orderly lifestyle in which little room is given to free self-expression. Suffering is masked by a precision that is well regarded socially, reinforcing the rigid structure they have built.
Unrealistic expectations
The sense of duty is great and expectations toward themselves and others are unrealistic. The pressure to meet external expectations is high, to the point of never feeling adequate or up to par. The tendency is never to be satisfied, but always to seek an almost mythical perfection.
Compressed emotions
Emotions are compressed and difficult to express. Asking for help is hard, and everything must be under rational control. They do not allow themselves to show vulnerability, even when it would be necessary for inner growth.
Anger and sense of injustice
These people are more sensitive to injustice, and this makes them more easily angry and hypersensitive toward the outside world. They often feel like victims of circumstances and of wrongs suffered, intentional or not. They detest finding themselves in situations that awaken the old wound.
Wound of injustice and family model
People with the wound of injustice may have suffered in childhood the betrayal of one or both parents due to failed comparisons among siblings or due to a betrayal of expectations by one or both parents. In addition, it can also derive from parents’ expectations.
In this case, children’s responses will be of two types:
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that of making themselves complementary, trying to meet parental expectations;
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being seen as “rebels” and therefore saboteurs of parental expectations.
In both cases dissatisfaction, anger, and a sense of retaliation will reign.
What is the origin of the wound of injustice?
The wound originates in those families in which parents or other reference figures show themselves toward the children as insensitive, harsh, and unable to understand their personality in all its facets.
These are children who cannot express themselves because they would not be understood, thereby facing criticism that are attacks on their identity; while some of them prefer to conform to parental expectations, others prefer to rebel and suffer parental attacks in anticipation of seeking affirmation of their individual freedom.
Healing from the wound of injustice
Healing the wound of injustice requires time and commitment. One must work on a family pattern that needs to be changed starting from work on oneself; for this reason, it is necessary not to be hasty in obtaining results based on unrealistic expectations.
The cure consists in re-embracing vulnerability by showing the most fragile side. You do not always have to be strong; sometimes you can cry or ask for help without feeling judged. In addition, perfectionism and the need for control must turn into flexibility. Perfectionism does not always make us work better; it often blocks even the simplest tasks. Chasing mythical perfection is like believing in the existence of unicorns.
For healing, it is important to work on self-esteem by showing compassion and kindness toward oneself; becoming less severe and judgmental with oneself and with others. The key word is forgiveness for not having treated oneself well, learning to love and respect oneself.
By letting go of the need for control, one will move toward greater satisfaction and an improvement in quality of life. Finally, one can express oneself with joy, showing the world acceptance and beauty.
What can online therapy do?
Online therapy can shed light on parental expectations and whether there was a betrayal by one of the two parents. The processing of traumatic experiences will start from therapeutic work aimed at healing the soul, leading the person to be able to experience their vulnerability as an ally in their life, reducing the need for control and perfectionism.
Online therapy will also be directed toward working on self-esteem to strengthen love for oneself and respect for one’s needs.
People with the wound of injustice in fact tend not to listen to themselves and to deny their own needs in the name of duty. For these individuals it will be essential to ask for help from trusted people in moments of existential crisis, avoiding hiding behind an apparent self-sufficiency that brings only loneliness and suffering.
Having grown up with heavy and unrealistic parental expectations, they are often sensitive to judgment, becoming too severe toward themselves and consequently toward others. For this reason, forgiving oneself and parental figures becomes indispensable to become compassionate toward oneself and others. Often intolerance hides the lack of acceptance that the person experienced in childhood from one or both parental figures. For this reason, “the intolerant person” must first learn to accept themselves in order to have harmonious relationships.
In addition to individual psychotherapy, online group psychotherapy for adults who were victims of childhood abuse can also be stimulating, to process and confront their wound of injustice in a welcoming group climate, giving the opportunity for new growth and evolution.
For information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, whatsapp contact 370 32 17 351
