Your partner doesn’t love you anymore: 10 signs
Your partner doesn’t love you anymore: 10 signs
What are the 10 signs that your partner is no longer interested in you? What tools can online therapy provide for individual or couples’ understanding?
It’s very common in a long-term relationship to realize, at a certain point, that things aren’t working the way they used to. The initial lightness, the harmony, the complicity, even the intimacy and sexuality that once bonded the two partners may be missing. This feeling often brings with it a whole series of negative emotions: sadness, doubts, resentment, suffering. Sometimes it may simply be a passing rough patch, a moment of particular stress and instability for the couple; other times it’s a much more deep-rooted and dangerous problem, especially if what’s being affected are the feelings the other person has for us.
Therefore it’s a good idea to pay attention to these ten signs to gain some clarity, especially if we suspect that our other half has now lost interest in us.
The 10 signs before the end of a love
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Attention decreases or disappears altogether
The first thing that’s lost when a partner no longer considers us is their attention. That is, all those little details that make us feel welcomed and loved: a walk hand in hand, a day trip, or an intimate, romantic lunch or your favorite meal, a thoughtful gesture, a door opened chivalrously to let us pass. Little attentions that, as we know, make couple life more pleasant, obviously respecting the partner’s ways and tastes. If all attentions drastically fade, it might indeed be a particularly stressful and temporary period, although this is still not a positive sign; on the contrary, if we’ve already asked our partner to talk but the neglect continues over time and becomes the norm, it’s a good idea to start asking questions about the relationship.
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Intimacy and sexuality are no longer satisfying
When a partner pulls away from us, sexuality changes too: sex can be unsatisfying, a certain component of closeness and tenderness (kisses, caresses, cuddles) is missing, or you simply stop seeking each other out and making love. Sex is certainly an important alarm bell for understanding whether a crisis is creeping into the couple and for guarding against potential infidelity.
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Time spent together keeps shrinking
If your partner starts using every excuse to go out, meet colleagues, take on some sudden commitment that keeps them away from home, it’s a clear sign that something’s wrong. If someone doesn’t want to be with us, they’ll keep themselves busy so as not to stay with us, so as not to spend time with us. In this case it’s inevitable to sense that the previous understanding is gone, that if we’re not worthy of time, our partner no longer enjoys spending it with us. The reasons may be many, and through therapy it will be useful to explore them if you want to make one last attempt. Certainly, if a person can’t carve out even a little time to spend with their partner, they simply don’t want to, they no longer feel like it, and so it’s best to heed the warning sign. This also applies to those who live in the same house; noticing that the other is almost always absent is a symptom not to be underestimated. Obviously, let’s also ask ourselves first: “If we had a day free to devote to our partner, would we spend it with him/her?”
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Silence
When dialogue dissolves and moments of silence between the two partners take over, it’s another red flag indicating that something in the relationship isn’t right anymore. A close couple, in addition to sharing certain reinvigorating moments of silence that help rekindle the desire to reconnect, will still feel the urge to talk, to share, to embrace or exchange signs of affection and complicity. If a deafening silence continually prevails when spending time with your partner—whether due to routine, dissatisfaction, or other distractions—it’s always best to start talking about it and not to underestimate the problem, working on the relationship. Walls of silence can in fact inevitably lead to further misunderstandings and to the end of a relationship.
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Lack of respect
Respect is the main cornerstone of any relationship. This is a very loud alarm bell. If your partner starts behaving disrespectfully, showing not only a lack of attention and consideration toward you, but also an added dose of irritation even at your mere presence or way of being, it’s wise to reassess the situation. If everything you do is wrong, never enough, and even deemed unworthy of respect, it’s a clear sign that something is not going right at all.
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Indifference
Indifference is another very important sign for determining whether our partner is still invested in the relationship. When you care about the other, there is support, interest, encouragement, and complicity. Problems can be everyday occurrences. What makes the difference is emotional support—the tact your partner uses to make you feel welcomed and understood; even a simple “How are you? How’s it going? What would you like to do today?”, asked with genuine interest, is a sign of listening and closeness. By contrast, indifference toward everything we are, do, and experience is a negative sign that speaks for itself.
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Jealousy is gone
To be clear, jealousy understood as possessiveness, paranoia, coercion, and aggression is extremely dangerous. However, that light, innocent, playful jealousy that adds a little spice and vibrancy to the relationship is still a sign of real interest in one’s partner. If it disappears completely, perhaps the other person simply isn’t that interested in us anymore; consequently, the partner’s attention is going elsewhere because their interest in us has simply declined. Being with us or not may no longer make any difference.
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No future plans
This topic shouldn’t trigger anxiety, and yet planning, seeing yourselves together in the future, or at least taking your partner into account in your tomorrow is certainly a basic condition for understanding whether there is real interest or superficiality. A partner who always talks only about themselves, who easily imagines a life without the other, is certainly someone with whom it’s worth talking and clarifying certain points, so as not to build illusory expectations about the one-sided relationship we’re actually living. Even more so if you’re at the beginning and your partner has no intention of introducing you to friends or family, or including you in social situations or experiences (like a trip), because they always and in every case prefer the solo option. Perhaps they’re simply not ready to truly include another person in their life; therefore it’s best to be honest from the start.
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Constant arguing
A love usually ends due to continual arguments and squabbles, even over the most trivial things. The ability to listen and remain calm disappears, and you’re always ready for a fight. When shouting and arguments—just like walls of silence—take over; when pleasant conversations are pared down to the bone and every pretext is used to quarrel, this is a clear alarm bell that can open our eyes about our relationship.
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Dissatisfaction
Finally, dissatisfaction is a fixed point for determining your partner’s state of mind. Sadness, melancholy, withdrawal, deep dissatisfaction are clear symptoms that something isn’t right. It’s therefore wise to investigate the causes—whether they are intrinsic to the relationship or external—assess whether there can be a new opportunity for reconnection and rebirth together, or whether the relationship, now awash in constant sadness and dissatisfaction, has run its course.
What can online therapy do?
The ten signals listed so far are the most common indicators of a relationship’s end. Through online therapy it’s possible to determine whether certain signs in your relationship are real harbingers of the end of a love, whether it’s possible to put the pieces back together, or aim for a rebirth that involves an evolution as a couple starting precisely from what distances or has distanced you; or to establish—even through couples therapy—whether the relationship has exhausted its evolutionary purpose, and whether it’s time for both partners to continue walking on their own, with gratitude and acceptance, in different directions.
For information, write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, WhatsApp contact 370 32 17 351.
