Couples therapy: why it can be useful
Couples therapy: why it can be useful
How can couples therapy help a couple in crisis? Why does a couple in crisis use the wrong strategies? What can online therapy do?
Couples therapy is a methodology that is used in psychotherapy to work on the relationship between partners and on changes in the relationship. The main goal is to regain a lost understanding, a conscious and evolutionary dialogue to be able to overcome the crisis, and to try to give new lifeblood to a relationship that is no longer constructive or satisfying; or on the contrary to become aware of the dynamics that lead the two partners to treasure what has been and, with new awareness and maturity, to put a full stop; taking different paths to continue the journey of the soul.
Types of couple problems
Taking a step back, we can say that when people engage in couples therapy, the problems that usually emerge are fundamentally almost the same for everyone.
These reasons for arguing are mainly grouped into two categories: external factors and internal factors.
EXTERNAL FACTORS: as the term suggests, this category of problems depends on motivations external to the couple’s relationship, not controllable. Among these we can mention the so-called “life changes,” such as a new job or the loss of a job, a move, a birth, a bereavement, an illness, even unnatural calamities or unfortunate or apparently fortunate and unexpected events. Due also to insecurity and personal fragilities, these events are perceived as uncontrollable and undermine the previous balance of the couple.
INTERNAL FACTORS: in the category of internal factors we refer primarily to the individual partner’s personal history and their family baggage of values and habits. This baggage, upon leaving the parental family unit, can become an obstacle for the new couple dynamics. To this are added possible pressures and interference from a family member or the entire family of one of the two partners, which makes the other feel trapped, disregarded, or overshadowed.
To these two types of crisis factors we must then add the various types of betrayal, which I discuss in my blog article “Betrayal in love: 7 types.”
These wound and shatter trust, love, and respect for the other; and can also increase the so-called soul wound of betrayal, which generates the mask of the controller, to protect oneself from possible further deceptions and broken promises.
The couple in crisis uses the wrong strategies
As I also explain in my blog, Dr. Jessica Zecchini, in the section dedicated to the couples psychotherapy service:
“The couple in crisis uses the wrong strategies, which lead to the avoidance of problems or to exasperated conflict. Yet, the members are always the same, two people who met and loved each other and who have lost the ability to desire each other and to dialogue, but within them there are still those resources to re-establish harmony.
The couple, as a system, must also face some important changes such as: work problems, raising children, communication problems, possible sexual difficulties, depression or anxiety related to bereavement, illness, and life changes. It happens that at a certain point in the relationship there may be a regression of the bond, especially when the respective partners bring personal experiences into the couple that have not been worked through and that intensify tensions even more. Conflict becomes the only way they manage to relate. The couple’s crisis becomes the reality and destroys the enthusiasm and hope of being able to return to the times when harmony and well-being reigned in the relationship.”
And again, for overcoming the crisis:
“The goal of couples psychotherapy is to help the couple manage conflict better and resolve those relational traumas that are part of the personal history of each partner and that risk compromising the relationship, preventing each member from finding the resources useful to overcome the crisis. The therapist’s intervention is necessary to help the couple suspend the dimension of judgment in order to enter into authentic listening towards the Other. The recovery of trust between partners will increase self-esteem in the ability to manage one’s relationship.
During couples therapy, it may happen that the partners realize they no longer have the resources to make the relationship work and may decide to separate. In this case, the therapist’s intervention can accompany the partners individually in the process of mourning that always implies a separation, in order to allow a re-signification of the experience in a perspective of personal growth and reorganization of a new life project.”
What can online therapy do?
Online therapy can be helpful when the couple’s independent attempts to repair the relationship have produced no change, when the crisis has lasted too long, and when conflict has become exasperated.
With the therapist’s help, in couples therapy it is possible to allow yourself a space of mature and protected confrontation, to understand what the dysfunctional dynamics within the relationship are, and how and if they can be recovered.
Through meeting the other, one can also work not only on oneself, bringing to awareness those parts of us to improve and evolve, but also on learning to be in the couple, listening, accepting the other, dialoguing assertively, focusing not only on one’s own needs but also on the partner’s emotional needs, learning to work as a team and not to live the relationship as a constant power struggle.
Furthermore, couples therapy can also help to determine whether that relationship has ceased to be functional for the growth of one or both individuals; and thus support the partners in the phase of realization and personal evolution, drawing the deepest lessons that the crisis has come to bring us.
For information write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, WhatsApp contact 370 32 17 351
