Self-esteem: how to boost it
Self-esteem: how to boost it
How does self-esteem improve psychological well-being? What are the strategies to boost it? What can online therapy do?
In a social context where daily challenges and expectations are continually intensifying, navigating the complex landscape of self-esteem has become an imperative. But what exactly does “self-esteem” mean? Often surrounded by countless misconceptions and stereotypes, self-esteem goes beyond simple self-confidence or arrogance, being deeply rooted in our intrinsic perception of our own worth.
Self-esteem can be more accurately described as the overall evaluation an individual has of themselves, a sort of intimate judgment that encompasses thoughts, feelings, and experiences a person has accumulated regarding their abilities and overall value. According to Nathaniel Branden, known as the father of self-esteem theory, in his work The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (Branden, 1994), self-esteem is “the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and as worthy of happiness.” This definition highlights two essential components of self-esteem: feeling capable and feeling worthy.
From this perspective, self-esteem is a psychological necessity. If it is lacking or excessive, a person’s life can tilt toward dysfunctional extremes, leading to consequences such as depression, anxiety, relational dependency, or, conversely, narcissism and arrogance. Therefore, it is fundamental not only for personal well-being but also for the way we interact with society.
Throughout this article, we will explore the complex paths that lead to the development of self-esteem, its multifaceted impacts on our lives, and the strategies to nurture healthy self-esteem. From its roots in childhood to its ongoing evolution in adulthood, self-esteem proves to be not a destination but a journey of growth, awareness, and personal transformation.
Self-esteem and life stages
“The degree to which I accept myself is exactly the degree to which I tend to accept others, and vice versa.” – Carl Rogers
Self-esteem is not a static attribute but rather a quality in constant evolution, formed and developed throughout the entire course of an individual’s life. Understanding how self-esteem develops can offer significant insights into how to nurture this crucial quality in ourselves and others.
Childhood:
During childhood, the first building blocks of self-esteem are laid. Studies show that a loving family environment, support and recognition of achievements, as well as positive management of failures, are fundamental to instilling a sense of competence and self-worth. Conversely, lack of support, excessive criticism, or neglect can create the foundations for low self-esteem.
Adolescence:
This stage is often turbulent for self-esteem. With physical, emotional, and social changes, adolescents face unique challenges that can both erode and strengthen their sense of self-worth. Peer influence plays a major role, as does the search for autonomy, the formation of identity, and the desire for belonging. The resilience developed during this stage can build a robust sense of self, or, if experiences are negatively influenced, lead to persistent insecurities.
Adulthood:
In adulthood, self-esteem may become more stable but is also influenced by the realities of life, such as career, relationships, achievements, failures, and parenthood. Adults often measure their self-esteem against their accomplishments and their social and professional experiences. Life events such as marriage, parenting, career changes, or job loss can be major stressors that impact self-esteem.
Aging:
As people age, challenges related to health, the loss of loved ones, and loneliness can significantly affect self-esteem. However, this life stage can also bring greater self-acceptance, as older adults may have developed stronger emotional resilience. The wisdom accumulated over the years can contribute to a more balanced self-view, softening harsh self-criticism and valuing life experiences.
Self-esteem and psychological well-being
“The scariest thing is to accept yourself completely.” – Abraham Maslow
The correlation between self-esteem and psychological well-being is one of the most studied and confirmed topics in the field of psychology. Since self-esteem is the measure by which we evaluate our personal worth and our ability to face life’s challenges, it plays a critical role in determining the quality of our mental health.
When individuals possess healthy self-esteem, they are more likely to manage stress effectively and feel resilient in the face of obstacles, thanks to their intrinsic belief in their own efficacy. This confidence not only promotes better mental health, reducing the incidence of issues such as depression and anxiety, but also encourages proactive behaviors in self-care and in relationships with others.
On the other hand, low self-esteem is often a common factor in cases of mental disorders. Without a solid perception of their own worth, individuals may find themselves trapped in cycles of negative thinking, self-criticism, and pessimism, which can contribute to the development or worsening of conditions such as depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders. In extreme situations, low self-esteem can also fuel self-destructive behaviors and addictions, as individuals seek external relief from persistent inner suffering.
Moreover, it is important to consider the impact of self-esteem on interpersonal relationships. Healthy self-esteem facilitates positive relationships, fostering communication, trust, and the ability to establish healthy boundaries. Conversely, those who struggle with self-esteem may find it difficult to build and maintain fulfilling relationships, often ending up in unhealthy relational dynamics characterized by emotional dependency or, on the contrary, isolation.
Strategies to boost self-esteem
“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.” – Nathaniel Branden
Growing and maintaining healthy self-esteem requires constant commitment and targeted strategies. In an age dominated by social comparisons and sometimes unrealistic expectations, finding one’s value can seem like a daunting journey. However, there are methods and techniques that can strengthen self-esteem, allowing us to navigate life with greater confidence and resilience.
-
Self-reflection and self-acceptance: The first step toward healthy self-esteem is learning to accept oneself. This process begins with personal reflection, which can be facilitated through reflective writing, meditation, or individual therapy. Identifying and understanding one’s strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures, helps build a balanced self-image.
-
Systemic-relational therapy: This therapeutic approach focuses on relationships and an individual’s social context, recognizing how these factors influence self-esteem. By working on relational dynamics and improving communication and mutual understanding, individuals can begin to see themselves in a more positive light, strengthened by the support of those around them.
-
Brief strategic therapy: Brief strategic therapy aims to strengthen self-esteem by enabling individuals to experience concrete successes through the use of new strategies. The patient is encouraged to recognize and celebrate these successes, whether big or small, thereby consolidating a sense of competence and a positive self-image.
-
Setting and achieving small goals: Succeeding in specific, achievable tasks can have a significant impact on self-esteem. This strategy involves defining realistic and measurable goals which, once achieved, provide a sense of accomplishment and competence.
-
Practicing self-compassion: Self-compassion means treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding that one would offer a good friend. This may involve forgiving oneself for mistakes, acknowledging one’s pain, and practicing self-care. Tools such as compassion meditation can be particularly useful in this process.
-
Avoiding negative comparisons: In an increasingly connected world, it is easy to fall into the trap of social comparison. It is essential to recognize when comparisons become sources of self-denigration and learn to disconnect from these tendencies, focusing instead on one’s own unique path and personal progress.
Cultivating healthy self-esteem is a process that requires time and patience. However, by adopting these strategies and relying on a trustworthy support network, it is possible to nurture a stronger sense of self that serves as the foundation for a more satisfying and fulfilling life.
What can online therapy do?
“If people believe they can develop their abilities, they have a growth mindset. They believe that talent and intelligence are just the starting point.” – Carol Dweck
In the context of personal well-being and individual development, maintaining balanced self-esteem is crucial. This form of self-perception is not only about recognizing one’s abilities but also involves a realistic understanding of one’s limitations, combined with an attitude of self-acceptance. Healthy self-esteem allows us to face life’s challenges with resilience, positively influencing our decisions and promoting behaviors that reflect our true identity and values.
Within this intrinsic balance, online therapy plays a leading role by exploring the wide network of relationships in which we are embedded: family, partner, colleagues, and the broader community. Each individual is viewed not in isolation but as part of an interconnected system where mutual influence is constant.
Here are the ways in which online therapy provides useful responses to enhance self-esteem:
Interconnection and relationships:
Online therapy emphasizes how our relationships influence the way we perceive ourselves. For example, toxic family dynamics can lead to low self-esteem, while a supportive environment can nurture a sense of self-worth. By recognizing and modifying these dynamics through therapy, it is possible to create a positive impact on the individual’s self-esteem.
Systemic resonance:
Every system (or relationship) has its own rules, expectations, and dynamics. Sometimes an individual may develop low self-esteem because of the mismatch between their needs and what the system imposes. Online therapy helps identify these dissonances and work toward a balance that respects the integrity of the individual, promoting a more solid and sustainable foundation for self-esteem.
Role of the therapist:
In the context of online therapy, the therapist collaborates with the individual to map their relationships and identify patterns or blocks that contribute to a distorted self-image. This mapping does not focus only on traumas or negative events but also highlights the individual’s resources and strengths, using these positive aspects as the foundation for building healthy self-esteem.
Promotion of authenticity:
An important goal of online therapy is to encourage individuals to express their authenticity within their relational systems. This reinforcement of personal expression supports self-esteem, as individuals learn they can be true to themselves and others while still functioning harmoniously within their social system.
Use of new strategies:
Very often, an individual has the habit of reacting to contexts in the same way, producing the same results. The results obtained can determine low or high self-esteem. Online therapy analyzes the strategies used so far and proposes new strategies aimed at achieving success in different contexts, thereby increasing self-esteem and the sense of self-efficacy.
Through online therapy, individuals learn to perceive their value in a new way, rooted not only in their personal achievements but also in the context of their relationships and interactions. This renewed, balanced self-esteem facilitates a more harmonious, resilient, and fulfilling life, where choices and behaviors are guided by self-confidence and by respect for one’s uniqueness within the broader fabric of society.
References:
- Branden, N. (1994). “I sei pilastri dell’autostima”. New York, NY: Bantam. (Versione italiana: “I sei pilastri dell’autostima”, 1995, Milano, IT: Sperling & Kupfer.)
- Branden, N. (1969). “The Psychology of Self-Esteem”. New York: Bantam.
- Di Giunta, L., Alessandri, G., Gerbino, M., et al. (2010). “Determinanti della competenza sociale e dell’autostima in adolescenza”. Età evolutiva, 96, 35–50.
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success”. New York: Random House.
- Laible, D., Carlo, G., & Roesch, S. C. (2004). “Pathways to self-esteem in late adolescence: The role of parent and peer attachment, empathy, and social behaviours”. Journal of Adolescence, 27(6), 703-716.
- Maslow, A. (1954). “Motivation and Personality”. New York: Harper.
- Nardone, G., & Portelli, C. (2015). “Pratica della terapia breve strategica”. Milano: Ponte alle Grazie.
- Orth, U., Robins, R. W., & Widaman, K. F. (2012). “Life-span development of self-esteem and its effects on important life outcomes”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(6), 1271-1288.
- Rogers, C. (1961). “On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy”. Londra: Constable.
- Vetere, A., & Dallos, R. (2003). “Terapia sistemica e relazionale: Riflessioni e sviluppi”. Milano: Cortina Raffaello.
For information, write to Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email contact: consulenza@jessicazecchini.it, WhatsApp contact: 370 32 17 351
