Watch out for red flags in love
Watch out for red flags in love
When does a desire for love turn into a need? What are the six red flags in love? How can online therapy help identify signs of toxicity in love?
At the beginning of every love story, everything can seem idyllic, perfect. There’s love, empathy, closeness, sexuality, respect. You share important moments, confide in each other, open up, and make dreams or plans for the future with that man or woman who feels perfect for you. It’s important to note that even in a story that starts in the best possible way, the first warning signs that something is off may emerge over time.
Cultivating the dream without the need
Right at the start, it’s also crucial to notice the first lies, the first manipulations, the first disrespectful behaviors—and not turn a blind eye just to satisfy our need for love and connection.
Often, in order to nurture a desire for love, we try not to pay attention to those warning bells that, even early on, could already help us wise up and spare us a lot of unpleasant situations. Nurturing a dream by clinging to a need (need for love, for appreciation, for closeness and intimacy, for self-esteem) is, in fact, just another form of attachment—counterproductive and far from serenity and true love.
The six red flags in love
We often fail to realize that a given relationship is draining us, leaving us in a kind of limbo of ups and downs where we feel exhausted, confused, constantly tired, sad, or angry.
Here are six early warning signs that should make us reflect on our relationship and the potential toxicity of any bond:
- Lack of listening: the partner doesn’t listen to their significant other or consider their real needs, nor their point of view on decisions that should be made as a couple rather than as individuals.
- Control: the partner excessively monitors the other (phone, circle of friends, ways of acting or dressing).
- Anxiety caused by the relationship: the partner may create a constant or occasional state of anxiety by using criticism, threats, aggressive tones. To avoid arguments, the victim tends to go quiet, not irritate the partner, and live in steady anxiety for fear of contradicting or angering them. Becoming invisible and developing physical and psychological symptoms is the first concrete sign of a toxic relationship.
- Avoiding confrontation: out of fear of pushing the other away or displeasing them, confrontations and discussions— even about the relationship itself—are shelved. Another scenario: one partner tries to have an open, direct conversation but can’t get it. You might have a partner who yells and fires repeated, insistent questions to “clarify” a situation due to poor listening skills; on the other side, a partner who reads this as open warfare and responds with total silence. In both cases, if there is no way to have a real conversation and every cordial attempt fails, the situation is anything but healthy.
- Guilt and manipulation: guilt is a very common device in toxic, manipulative relationships. One partner constantly makes the other feel guilty—even for nonexistent things. Or they try to convince the other that they’re “too sensitive,” without acknowledging their own disrespectful or violent behavior. The dangerous partner will always try to deflect attention from the issue and put it on the victim and their feelings, to come out clean.
- Contempt: criticism, insults, contemptuous gestures—all are warning signs of a story that is anything but idyllic. Contempt is not a sign of love or complicity, especially if delivered with “refined” manners and sarcasm. Insults remain insults, and the other person should take a hard look at who they’re really facing.
How online therapy can help
Through online therapy, you can assess a relationship and its degree of toxicity objectively and in depth, and learn to recognize and interpret the techniques needed to identify the so-called red flags in love. An unhealthy relationship will never nourish either partner’s well-being and happiness.
It’s also essential to learn to spot the early signs and address them in therapy, with the ultimate goal of returning to self-love, cultivating self-respect, and gaining the right tools to know when it’s time to let go—placing your well-being and happiness at the center of your life.
For information, contact Dr. Jessica Zecchini.
Email: consulenza@jessicazecchini.it — WhatsApp: +39 370 32 17 351
